Here are a few excerpts that were especially meaningful in the midst of my current trials!! (Yes, I say current because after writing Raw Confessions, we are back to horrible sleep for the past two nights. I am hoping I can blame it on a new cold, but scared about the possibility of that not being it!)
"When I was a younger mom, I used to count the hours. I counted the meager number of hours I slept each night, the number of hours I spent rocking a screaming baby, and the number of hours I spent nursing. I counted the number of hours I spent making meals and cleaning up the kitchen, the number of hours spent folding laundry and vacuuming. I counted the number of hours my boss was late in picking up her son, and how many hours I spent in traffic trying to get home. I counted the number of hours I spent editing my husband’s papers and the hours he spent away at class each day. I counted the hours until he came home. With all the hours counted, I knew just how tired I could be, or irritated, or unproductive. I knew how much to require of other people and how much to coddle myself. I knew what I could or could not do."
Have you done that? Do you count the hours?? I do this every day, all day LONG! I start my Itzbeen timer for naps, night sleep, etc. I start, check, reset, start, check, check, check! I never thought how mentally taxing that could be on a mama? Or how it could really work against you throughout the day! Until reading this blog post, I thought of it as "collecting data," but now, it seems like a very self-centered practice!! It was so convicting when she said, "I knew what I could or could not do." YIKES! She put into words what I have been thinking!
Here is a final excerpt that really spoke to me ...
"I couldn’t even handle two.
“The first two are the hardest,” Bryn said apologetically, as if she could read my mind. The cry room had emptied out and we were alone.
Her words melted me. Stupid super-powers.
“How do you do it?” I blurted out, even though I didn’t really mean to. “When was the last time you got any sleep?”
Bryn brushed a wisp of long hair behind her ear thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I’ve never really worried about that,” she said quietly as she rocked her baby back and forth. “I figure God is big enough to give me just what I need for each day. Maybe it’s not as much as I would like or as much as I think I need, but I have to believe that it’s sufficient for the moment. He promises that, you know?”
Once again, I am learning that He is sufficient and His mercies are new every morning! I have to admit it is hard not setting the clock. Out of habit, I did it today for an afternoon nap, but quickly remembered this most meaningful blog post! I think it is time to return my Itzbeen timer to my dear friend Jenn so that I do not have the temptation. I also need to put the clock in my drawer, and forget about how long of a stretch I get from Jackson, and dwell on the fact I am ONE VERY BLESSED mama that has the privilege to get up with a healthy baby boy at night!
If you haven't done so yet, please head over to "Five In Tow" and read her whole post! You will be blessed! It is so beautiful and please make sure to have some tissues for the end!! It is a tear-jearker!!
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